there's no dollar sign on a peace of mind...

this is a line to one of my favorite songs, "there is no peace of mind on a peace of mind this i've come to know"..zac brown band...

so many thoughts are going through my hand and none of them make much sense...there have been so many things i could not control...my dad and his drinking, my mother and her work addiction and her never ending love for my father...many other family members who i dare not go into any detail...

i have spent my life taking care of other people...i often tell people that i had no choice but to be a social worker because "my mother was a teacher, my dad was a drunk and the rest of the family is just crazy." for whatever reason i can take care of others but have a hard time taking care of myself. there are so many crazy parts of my life right now that i am afraid to write them much less publish them for fear yall may send me to tuscaloosa.....

first of all is my health or the lack thereof...i am so discouraged about my health and everything that goes along with it...diabetes is an evil disease....i never know how devestating it could be to a body...even if you take the the best care of yourself as you can...now i am not about to sit here and make anyone belived that i am or have been the perfect diabetic, but what i will tell you is that i have tried real hard...maybe not hard enought but i have tried....found out yesterday that i will have to pretty much drink my food for the rest of my life...i am sure turnip greens will taste mighty fine....

work - most people try to figure a way to get out of work....that is all i know how to do...this stay at home mom stuff i just don't know about it...i don't know if i am cut out for that...what do you do...i don't have small children running around to clean up after or soccer games or MDO or those other SAHM things

all of my friends are in my computer...that is sad...what i would give for a girls day out...i have some friends that live close by but they have just as many problems as i have...they have small ones that they can't leave alone....

i spent all those years working on my degree and not it seems to be thrown right out of the window...what can i do with it now....even if i go on disability for a year or so and then decide i can go back to work...what do i tell the interviewer...oh i was sick and had to take some time off...yeah i am sure that will ear my some brownie points.....

i feel abandoned by my family...not my mom, dad and sister but others...i have one set of cousins that are faithful to check on me....

am i being a whiny butt...i don't like whiny butts so i certainly don't want to be one....

i am just so overwhelmed...there are things that have happened over the past week that i am not at liberty to discuss right now...please somebody give me some advice...such as

*if i were you i would

*have you thought about....

don't give me -
*you are having a pity party

*it could be so much worse

get my drift....i am so lost...we won't even go into the church thing right now...love to all .....peace