Well it has been a long time since I have posted, which means that alot has changed. From my last post, we all read that I quit, that is walked out, on a social work job that could have easily caused me my license. I have never done that before. Anyway, about a year ago, I told my momma and sister that if I ever had to leave another job because of my health I would throw my social work hat in for a while. Well, I am one to keep my word, and it has been officially thrown in for paid positions. I am Still involved in social work organizations and causes. I have just completed a record 17 day hospital stay because of my diabetes. However, in the process, I have found two awesome doctors- one endocrinologist and one internist.
It has been very hard on me to adjust to the non working life. Many people would say oh I would love that! I have never NOT worked. From the time I was 14 I worked. I cut grass for a doctor who lived across the street, I babysat for a family of four and then I worked fast food all through high school. When I went to college the first time, I did telemarketing for satellite dishes while smelling dog food being made across the street and worked third shift in the ER and went to school in the day. When I got married, I worked a full time job, two part time jobs and went to school at night full time. Did I mention I had two kids? So as you see I am not accustomed to being still.
Now the problem is that I can't get motivated. I think the reason is that I am being "told" by my doctors that I must "stop" working for my own health. I do not, I repeat, do no like pbeing told what to do. June was a year ago that I filed for disability. Again something I did not want to do, but I was instructed to do so. I was denied. So I sought out an attorney. I finally have my hearing the 31st of this month. I do not look down on people who are on disability. It is not my place to determine if they need it or not. But when it comes to me, I am not supposed to be on disability. This is not what God has planned out for me. I have spent my life helping people in various ways. I don't like asking people for help and I don't accept help very well.
So with all that said, can you tell that times will be a changin? I am fighting severe depression, lack of self worth, moments where I just break down and cry and days where I don't get out of the bed. However, due to the fact that I have awesome friends and family, some that I have never met in person, I am going to get through this. I have a cousin I have never met before pray for me and with me over the phone. Can I tell you that I slept like a baby that night! I felt the weight of that day was gone.
Today has been a better day. I am thankful for that. I pray for brighter and happier days. In closing, if you have ever experienced any of what I am going through, please share with me. It will definitely help me and it might just help you. I want to become that carefree, goofy, funny, fun loving person I used to be. My husband told me I needed to find "Ginny" before social work. He said that social work is not who I am, but what I did. Pretty smart fellow huh?
Love to all.....