My Thanksgiving...

on this thanksgiving, i am lying in bed with kidney stones and also on administrative call for work...my family is spread out right now doing thanksgiving things...now please do not feel sorry for me, my family would have been more than happy to nurse me while we were out at family dinners, but i chose to stay at home and now am really glad i did...i have been reflecting over this past year, and wanted to share some of my thoughts... at this time of year.we look at our successes, failures, losses and so much more. i try to be thankful at all times and give thanks every day..not just once a year. now i am not saying that others are not thankful...i am just saying that i need to be more mindful of what i have and remember to give thanks daily...at one time in my life, i was running like my head was on fire...many people think i still do...the difference is that i have figured out what is of concern to me and what i can influence...i have become more proactive and less reactive...there are some things in our life that we just simply cannot do anything about...we can be concerned about those situations but we must not let them consume us....we need to focus on those areas that we can do something about - our circle of influence....some of you may be reading this and thinking, "ok what happened to ginny...who took her"...i have spent the greater majority of my life focusing on my circle of concern...trying to fix everything...trying to make everyone get along...trying to have the perfect home, with a perfect family, you know the whole 2.5 kids, middle income family...that is just not the way it is...i also spent alot of time worrying about what others thought about me...what were they saying about my religious views, what they thought of how i was raising my children, and here is the big one...the kind of house i live in...i live in a manufactured home - a double wide - ok i said it...for so long i let that define my home....a home is a not a structure...a home is a feeling...after i quit worrying about people thinking less of me because i lived in a manufactured home i became happier and more at peace...it may come as a surprise to many of you but it does bother me what others think of me...i know i come across as this hard nose, purpose driven, goal driven person...i do have a heart...all of my tears, fears, heartaches, sleepless nights, all came to a wonderful resolution a few weeks ago...jamie was not feeling well and she was laying beside me in the bed...she said, "you know momma, when jenifer tries to cuddle up to me it feels so weird, but when i cuddle up with you it is just natural...i love you." that is the moment that i realized that i have so much to be thankful for...i realized that what i do everyday does matter...i realized that i was loved...and i also realized that had so much more to do for my family. there is no greater task given to a woman than to be a mother and a wife...i cannot explain the love i have for my family...but it is great...i just hope that as i begin a new year, i can be more thankful each day...i hope that my circle of influence becomes greater and my circle of concern gets smaller....i am so thankful that my God does not expect perfection, He accepts my failures, He picks me up when i have fallen, He forgives me...i have a great family...oh we have our moments but we love each other dearly....i am so thankful for my children...they are good kids that keep me laughing...i ache for those parents who have lost their children, i cannot imagine...i have a wonderful husband that loves me unconditionally - and that is a big job, i have a great job, i have parents that love me and are always there for me, i have a sister that i could not live without, i have the most awesome friends in the world, i so do not deserve any of this...do you remember that song we used to sing in Bible class,"he's still working on me...to make me what i ought to be"...well He is still working on me and it is a blessing that failure is never final unless it is the last time you try" love to all