The Masters...

Ok so I am kind of a dork! It never crossed my mind when Stephen told me we were going to stay in Augusta, GA, on Saturday night that that is where The Masters is played. Yes I am kind of slow. We drove by it and could not see alot. We pulled into the main gate and Barney Fife came around to Stephen's window. He would not even talk to me and he was closest to me. Anyway, I digress. He told us "you cannot exit the car but you can pull down here and take some pictures." What are we going to do if we "exit" the car? Have you seen the size of us? Do we look like we are going to play golf or that we are dangerous? Anyway, here is a picture of the trees that line the road going to The Masters.

reflections...

Yes it is 4am and I am writing another post. God has laid something on my heart that is overwhelming. The lessons he is teaching me right now are so clear to me. I have never been one to say, "Oh Jesus spoke to me and told me to do....." Well Jesus did not audibly speak to me but He sure showed me where I needed to go study my Bible.

After yesterday's post, I really began reflecting on what I had written. Never in my life have I ever been so honest and raw for the whole world to see. But then I began to think, how many blogs I have "stumbled"upon that I read everyday for inspiration. I can only pray that someone does the same for my blog.

As I was studying my Bible last night, I came across a verse in Hebews 4: 14 - 16 that says, "Therefores, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as are - yet he was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us our time of need."

Yes this verse say "to help us in our time of need", but isn't every second of the day a time of need for us. This world is so cruel, mean, corrupt, etc. I have been the queen of praying when I needed something. My goal now is to be the Christian who leans on my Lord ALL the time not just in those "times of need."

I hope many of you don't think I have gone off the deep end, and maybe you do. I have been a Christian for the better part of 20 years. My faith has waivered just like yours has too. But my faith is renewed, and I just want to share it. Someone may be able to relate what I am going through.

Peace and blessings....

An Explaination...

So as I lay here in my bed, sick, hurting, nauseated and just purely miserable...I am counting the days to Sunday when we leave for SC. Yes we finally have our our appointment at The University of SC Medical Center. I will be there three days and will have 2 surgeries while there to hopefully correct this problem. The doctors there are the best in the nation for GI issues. UAB even sends their patients there.

I feel like I need to explain what has been going on for the past 14 months. I am a Juvenile Diabetic, that means my pancreas produces little if any insulin. Your pancreas also creates other juices and enzymes to help digest your food. Well I have something called pancreatic hypertension. This means that my pancreas blows up like a balloon, closes off and does not let those juices and enzymes come out to help in digestion. This causes pain, nausea and vomiting and all other sorts of wonderful things. In addition to that, I have gastroparesis. This means that my stomach is very slow to empty, and as gross as it may sound, sometimes food sits there for a very long time. This causes pain, nausea and vomiting. I also have sphincter of Oddi dysfunction. This is a little valve that comes off the pancreas that opens and closes to let those afore said juices and enzymes out. Well when my pancreas is swollen or in a hypertensive state, then that valve can't open. I have had to have it cut open to let pressure off. Then of course I deal with high blood pressure and fibromyalgia.

Guys and gals, this is very painful and it has debilitated me. I can hardly eat any foods. Yogurt has been my best friend. I hate eating and yall know how much I used to love that....

During this time, I have had my faith tested. I have been angry at God, I have questioned God, have had severe depression and many other things. But over the past couple of months, my doctor that I have been with for over 10 years has opened up to me about his walk with Jesus and some of his struggles. I have realized I am not the only one in a boat like this. My hope has come back. Yes there are still days that I am wretching in pain. But over the past few weeks, I have renewed my faith in God, I have asked Him to forgive me of my wrongful thoughts about all this. I figured out that He is teaching me to lean on Him ALL the time, not just when I need Him. My best friend reminded me last night that when Jesus hung on that cruel cross and said, "My God My God why have you forsaken me?" He felt all alone, no one understood His pain. But he NEVER gave up His hope nor did He quit praying.

I just want to encourage anyone who is going through any kind of troubles, physical, emotional, spiritual, Your Jesus has been there. He is still there for you just like He has been there for me. I truly believe that all of this has been a lesson to me to lean on Him ALL the time. This is something that I have been guilty of not doing.


Just as God's timing is perfect, last Friday, I got the phone call from South Carolina for my appointment. I will be leaving Sunday, May 1, and be there for a few days to undergo some tests and surgeries. I am fully confident in God that I am going to get some answers. Yes my doctors here in Birmingham are awesome, but sometimes you have to go somewhere else.

As I end this note, I do want to share that although I feel very bad today, I have had two wonderful days. Easter was wonderful and yesterday was great too. I was able to walk 1/2 mile, do some pretty intense house cleaning, run errands, have some time with my best friend and cooked a great supper for my family. God is good!

No one may read this, but if one person does and it helps them through their pain, then it was worth me writing. Peace to all....

so what have I been doing...

Well, funny you should ask. I don't really know why I bother writing these blogs, because only a very few take the time to read them much less make a comment. But I am going to use a bullet style format to keep myself from being wordy.

*well I went back to work for a very short period of time - 7 weeks of which I was in the hospital for 3, which makes a total of 4...that is pushing it

*continue to have enormous GI issues

* have decided that although I am not a stay at home mom kind of person that is what God has demanded, comanded and insisted that I be right now

*been to the doctor more times than I can count

*decided that "we tend to identify ourselves and each other primarily by what we look like....or what we do"...ok this would be me...

*"Is who you are determined by what you do, or is what we determined by who you are?"

* "that good appearance plus the admiration of others equal a whole person or that we feel that star performance plus accomplishments equal a whole person"

* "I am already a whole person and possess a life of infinite meaning and purpose because I am a child of God"

* "Being a child of God who is alive and free in Christ shoudl determine what we do"

Let me insert here that I am reading a book called, " Victory Over The Darkness".

* I have decided to be a stay at home mom and MAKE IT WORK."

* I have discovered an awesome website called....www.onceamonthmom.com

*It gives recipes, printable recipes and printable grocery lists...it also gives you the quantities to make for a whole month so that you can have it twice!

*I have decided to break my house into sections to clean...that is another post

* I have decided to do something one day a week for myself...that does not include getting a mani or pedi each week...I am a helping person...so I am going to volunteer once a week at an area hospice company and if I so feel like it visit with a friend who is a shut in, fellow stay at home mom or just a friend who I miss...

*I have decided to continue my walking routine...I had gotten up to a mile a day...I have only been doing this since Feb 15....

*and anything else that might cross my simple little mind....

What are you doing this week? I will need some new ideas....