this is a line to one of my favorite songs, "there is no peace of mind on a peace of mind this i've come to know"..zac brown band...
so many thoughts are going through my hand and none of them make much sense...there have been so many things i could not control...my dad and his drinking, my mother and her work addiction and her never ending love for my father...many other family members who i dare not go into any detail...
i have spent my life taking care of other people...i often tell people that i had no choice but to be a social worker because "my mother was a teacher, my dad was a drunk and the rest of the family is just crazy." for whatever reason i can take care of others but have a hard time taking care of myself. there are so many crazy parts of my life right now that i am afraid to write them much less publish them for fear yall may send me to tuscaloosa.....
first of all is my health or the lack thereof...i am so discouraged about my health and everything that goes along with it...diabetes is an evil disease....i never know how devestating it could be to a body...even if you take the the best care of yourself as you can...now i am not about to sit here and make anyone belived that i am or have been the perfect diabetic, but what i will tell you is that i have tried real hard...maybe not hard enought but i have tried....found out yesterday that i will have to pretty much drink my food for the rest of my life...i am sure turnip greens will taste mighty fine....
work - most people try to figure a way to get out of work....that is all i know how to do...this stay at home mom stuff i just don't know about it...i don't know if i am cut out for that...what do you do...i don't have small children running around to clean up after or soccer games or MDO or those other SAHM things
all of my friends are in my computer...that is sad...what i would give for a girls day out...i have some friends that live close by but they have just as many problems as i have...they have small ones that they can't leave alone....
i spent all those years working on my degree and not it seems to be thrown right out of the window...what can i do with it now....even if i go on disability for a year or so and then decide i can go back to work...what do i tell the interviewer...oh i was sick and had to take some time off...yeah i am sure that will ear my some brownie points.....
i feel abandoned by my family...not my mom, dad and sister but others...i have one set of cousins that are faithful to check on me....
am i being a whiny butt...i don't like whiny butts so i certainly don't want to be one....
i am just so overwhelmed...there are things that have happened over the past week that i am not at liberty to discuss right now...please somebody give me some advice...such as
*if i were you i would
*have you thought about....
don't give me -
*you are having a pity party
*it could be so much worse
get my drift....i am so lost...we won't even go into the church thing right now...love to all .....peace
My Bassakward Group
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
lawn mower thingy
i hope, dream or imagine that i might have some stalkers out there who are just quiet...it would thrill my soul if i had some comments....i know i post this on here and facebook but i don't get any comments there either...am i that boring...please tell me so maybe i can take a personality for dummies class....anywho...this is what has been going on in my world....
most of you know that i have paid several doctor's mortgages over the past month because i have been so sick...so on the way to one of my appointments the other day, my husband and i see an obviously handicapped lady riding in an electric wheelchair down mainstreet in talladega...there is a man behind that "appears" to have hooked like a lawn mower thingy that they stand on and the mower pulls them along...anyway we get by them and no sir it was not the lawn mower thingy - HE WAS ON ROLLER SKATES HOLDING ON TO HER AS HER ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR PULLED HIS LAZY BUTT ALONG! i was shocked, annoyed, ill....i wanted to get out of my car and give him a piece of my mind...there was nothing wrong with him...he should have been walking his lazy tail beside her....
tonight at dinner my husband and i are talking about going to see ron white in concert...for those of you who don't know i LURVE ron white....i want him as my side kick my brother...anywho...my cultured son says, "you know bb king is coming right?" my 18 year old daughter who thinks i am about to let her out into the world by herself says, "who is bb king?" my husband and i are trying to pick our chins up off the floor and close our mouths...jacob is looking at her like she is a complete idiot...my hubs says, "he is the man that invented the bb gun." my 18 year old says, "ok" and keeps eating.....
we were at an ice cream shoppe the other day and as we were sitting there jamie my 18 year old noticed some very decorative boxes..she asked what i thought was in them...i told her probably decadent chocolate...my 10 year old says, "what would you decorate with chocolate?"
my son, aka opie, has become quite the fisherman...he and my dad have re connected on so many levels....some of you don't know the story so just be happy that a grandfather and his grandson can stand to be in the same room together now...they have been fishing everyday after school...over the past three weeks he has caught about 11 fish...mom told him when he got to 15 we would have a fish fry....he has been so excited.....
my health if anyone is interested is ok at this moment...we do know that there is no cure for sphincter of odi dysfunction with gastroparesis but i am taking a medicine from canada that is supposed to be the bomb...this was at my doctor's suggestion...i don't know about work right now...it seems that stress is the #1 thing that makes this flare up ...so for those of you who know what kind of work i do - long term care social work - then you know that equals stress...
ok that is all for now...i hope somebody reads this and leaves me a comment...sometimes i feel i am typing to cyberworld....
most of you know that i have paid several doctor's mortgages over the past month because i have been so sick...so on the way to one of my appointments the other day, my husband and i see an obviously handicapped lady riding in an electric wheelchair down mainstreet in talladega...there is a man behind that "appears" to have hooked like a lawn mower thingy that they stand on and the mower pulls them along...anyway we get by them and no sir it was not the lawn mower thingy - HE WAS ON ROLLER SKATES HOLDING ON TO HER AS HER ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR PULLED HIS LAZY BUTT ALONG! i was shocked, annoyed, ill....i wanted to get out of my car and give him a piece of my mind...there was nothing wrong with him...he should have been walking his lazy tail beside her....
tonight at dinner my husband and i are talking about going to see ron white in concert...for those of you who don't know i LURVE ron white....i want him as my side kick my brother...anywho...my cultured son says, "you know bb king is coming right?" my 18 year old daughter who thinks i am about to let her out into the world by herself says, "who is bb king?" my husband and i are trying to pick our chins up off the floor and close our mouths...jacob is looking at her like she is a complete idiot...my hubs says, "he is the man that invented the bb gun." my 18 year old says, "ok" and keeps eating.....
we were at an ice cream shoppe the other day and as we were sitting there jamie my 18 year old noticed some very decorative boxes..she asked what i thought was in them...i told her probably decadent chocolate...my 10 year old says, "what would you decorate with chocolate?"
my son, aka opie, has become quite the fisherman...he and my dad have re connected on so many levels....some of you don't know the story so just be happy that a grandfather and his grandson can stand to be in the same room together now...they have been fishing everyday after school...over the past three weeks he has caught about 11 fish...mom told him when he got to 15 we would have a fish fry....he has been so excited.....
my health if anyone is interested is ok at this moment...we do know that there is no cure for sphincter of odi dysfunction with gastroparesis but i am taking a medicine from canada that is supposed to be the bomb...this was at my doctor's suggestion...i don't know about work right now...it seems that stress is the #1 thing that makes this flare up ...so for those of you who know what kind of work i do - long term care social work - then you know that equals stress...
ok that is all for now...i hope somebody reads this and leaves me a comment...sometimes i feel i am typing to cyberworld....
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Nothing
I am in a really bad mood for various reasons. One of the reasons is that it seems like no one reads my blog after I sit for hours to compose. So if you are a stalker please let me know. I will not be offended. So as of now, I have nothing to say.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
What have I been doing & What I need to be doing?
NOTHING! I did make a home made strawberry short cake, but it all got eaten before a pic could be taken. I have just completed my 5th yes I said 5th hospitalization since March 2. I love my nurse friends, i.e. Becky, but yall inflict alot of pain on my body. I have no veins. Why will they not just give me a port. I'm just saying. I carry my PICC line measurements in my purse. It is rediculous what they put me through. At UAB I quit counting at 25...yep I said 25 sticks. Now with all that said, if one did not know better you would think I was an IV drug user - but oh yeah I am too fat and have NO veins. So I have been recuperating at home. I am not a good patient - ask Becky. I am really not a good recovery patient. It seems like every time I get out of the hospital, I get this burst to clean house. Then after I have killed myself, then I am in the bed for 3 days. Why is it that a messy house drives us women insane. I am by far not a housekeeper -again ask Becky. But I do have my standards. My den looks like a Chinese laundrey mat has opened up. There are literally 10 loads of clothes that need to be washed. The only good thing is the den is clean minus the laundrey.
On to other news, Jamie's senior prom was last night. Please don't think she got any pictures made. Sometimes I wonder what goes through teenagers minds. Maybe I don't want to know. My mom is doing fabulous following her hip surgery . She has returned to work and is driving. GO MOMMA. My dad is doing great too. We seem to have the right combination of meds for him,
Hold your breath on this one - I am considering not going back to work. My health is such that it is not stable enough for me to give 100 % of me to the job or to the Residents. It is not written in stone so please don't go advertising that Ginny has quit work. It is just something we are considering. No decicion will be made until the doctors release me. I have two more appointments that I know of that I have to keep which will probably entail more tests and such. So I tell you all this to ask that you pray for me that God will clearly let me know what I need to do. I sometimes have to be hit over the head by God...it runs in the family.
I hope you all hada a great weekend and will have a fabulous Sunday.
On to other news, Jamie's senior prom was last night. Please don't think she got any pictures made. Sometimes I wonder what goes through teenagers minds. Maybe I don't want to know. My mom is doing fabulous following her hip surgery . She has returned to work and is driving. GO MOMMA. My dad is doing great too. We seem to have the right combination of meds for him,
Hold your breath on this one - I am considering not going back to work. My health is such that it is not stable enough for me to give 100 % of me to the job or to the Residents. It is not written in stone so please don't go advertising that Ginny has quit work. It is just something we are considering. No decicion will be made until the doctors release me. I have two more appointments that I know of that I have to keep which will probably entail more tests and such. So I tell you all this to ask that you pray for me that God will clearly let me know what I need to do. I sometimes have to be hit over the head by God...it runs in the family.
I hope you all hada a great weekend and will have a fabulous Sunday.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Here's your sign...love God
Ok so most of you know that I am as hard headed as they come. Most of the time people will tell me I can't do something just because they know it will make me do it. For example, my dad told me in high school that I would never finish college. Ok so it took my 8 years but I finished. The latest is that I have no will power - yes still from ever encouraging father. What he is referring to is my health and the fact that I have lost almost 40 pounds. I have no intention of gaining this weight back, but I think his malfunction is that we went on 1.5 mile walk and I have been barely able to move since. He thinks I have given up. Just wait til tomorrow Pops! Anyway, back to my sign.
I am that person who has to be hit over the head in order for something to get through to me. Cause you know I have it all planned out in my retarded brain. Well as many of you know I have had some pretty significant health problems. Now this is all left to your judgement. Here is the roll call of problems - ketoacidosis made me unconscious for a while...stayed in SICU for several days...major GI bleed...about 3 units I lost...stomach just not working right...that is just the nicest way to save all the gory details. I am to go back to work on the 19th. This is yet to be placed in stone you see because Ginny is finally learning to listen to the docs but more importantly listen to that small voice of God.
I have been "reading" a book by the wonderful Beth Moore called "Breaking Free". I went to see her last February and will go see her in December when she and other great women grace Birmingham with their presence. Ok so I digress. So last night I pick up the book and I am a good 100 pages into it and that voice says to me, "You are reading this book...you are not studying it." Now for those of you who are familiar with Beth Moore you know she can smack you some book chapter and verse in a minute. So I said, "ok...we will break out the notebook and start studying like we were in college."
So I start over. Guess what the first chapter was about. Pride. Do you hear me? PRIDE. And I am not talking about a group of lions. I am very independent and really don't want or need anyone's help cause you know I am a social worker and I can save the world. Do you hear the sarcasm? My pride issue here lately is that I feel defeated and don't feel like this is my time to be healed in time to go back to work. Ok there I said it.
I do have short and long term disability through my work which we are trying to get started. But what about the big one - the disability from the government? Ok this is where I am more than humiliated. That is for people who can't make their own decisions, or people who are worse off than me. Please do not send me hate mail about this. These are just the thoughts that go through this brain that occupies my head.
I have never been so sick in my life. I certainly have never lost almost 40 pounds in a month. Help me understand where I am and what I should do! I am trying to listen to God but this dern PRIDE and my stubborness is getting in the way. I know that Pride is my sin. I have known this for years. Please some of you stronger Christians out there help a sister out! I love you all. I am being very brave to post this out for God and everyone to see, but I am really struggling. Hugs to all and to all a good night.
I am that person who has to be hit over the head in order for something to get through to me. Cause you know I have it all planned out in my retarded brain. Well as many of you know I have had some pretty significant health problems. Now this is all left to your judgement. Here is the roll call of problems - ketoacidosis made me unconscious for a while...stayed in SICU for several days...major GI bleed...about 3 units I lost...stomach just not working right...that is just the nicest way to save all the gory details. I am to go back to work on the 19th. This is yet to be placed in stone you see because Ginny is finally learning to listen to the docs but more importantly listen to that small voice of God.
I have been "reading" a book by the wonderful Beth Moore called "Breaking Free". I went to see her last February and will go see her in December when she and other great women grace Birmingham with their presence. Ok so I digress. So last night I pick up the book and I am a good 100 pages into it and that voice says to me, "You are reading this book...you are not studying it." Now for those of you who are familiar with Beth Moore you know she can smack you some book chapter and verse in a minute. So I said, "ok...we will break out the notebook and start studying like we were in college."
So I start over. Guess what the first chapter was about. Pride. Do you hear me? PRIDE. And I am not talking about a group of lions. I am very independent and really don't want or need anyone's help cause you know I am a social worker and I can save the world. Do you hear the sarcasm? My pride issue here lately is that I feel defeated and don't feel like this is my time to be healed in time to go back to work. Ok there I said it.
I do have short and long term disability through my work which we are trying to get started. But what about the big one - the disability from the government? Ok this is where I am more than humiliated. That is for people who can't make their own decisions, or people who are worse off than me. Please do not send me hate mail about this. These are just the thoughts that go through this brain that occupies my head.
I have never been so sick in my life. I certainly have never lost almost 40 pounds in a month. Help me understand where I am and what I should do! I am trying to listen to God but this dern PRIDE and my stubborness is getting in the way. I know that Pride is my sin. I have known this for years. Please some of you stronger Christians out there help a sister out! I love you all. I am being very brave to post this out for God and everyone to see, but I am really struggling. Hugs to all and to all a good night.
Friday, April 02, 2010
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