God sends people...

I have been struggling over the past few weeks of whether I should go back to work. Well I applied at a particular nursing home, and I know they pay very well. Today I was in the doctor's office and a friend of mine who works for an area home health company. Anyway, she told me who the administrator was and right then I knew I was not to go back to work. There is NO WAY I could work for this man. He is very unethical; I will leave it that. So I will continue to stay at home and take care of my family.

I will have a Christmas post in a few days. So many magical and wonderful things happened to us over the holidays that it will take me a while to write it all. However, I will tell you that my hubs has surprised me with a New Year's trip. I am a rediculous fan of Martina McBride. We are going to the Silver Star Casino to see her in concert...in a very small setting. There are only about 30 rows in the concert hall. I am so excited......

I hope everyone has a safe and prosperous New Year.

look at me now

I am too ashamed to show you what it looked like before, but I think it looks pretty good myself. This blanket was made by great grandmother. The quilt rack was made by my dad. This is a view of my dining room. We'll see how long it stays looking like this!

Christmas in Georgiana...

Watch out 2011.....

This may turn into a long post, but I will try to be concise. Most of you know that this has not been the greatest year for me. If you have failed to realize this then you must wear rose tinted glasses. Anyway, I have gone through some severe depression from having to resign from my job due to my health, which continued to decline. Recently thought I was ready to go back to work and was absolutely blown away by some comments that were made to me. I was humiliated to have to apply for disability. The depression just got worse and worse. I have been in a very dark place. Well there are three things that happened to me over this weekend that tell me that 2011 is not going to be that way.

The first thing that happened was I had the pleasure of hearing a group called Crystal River, www.chrystalriveronline.net. A trio of guys who are on fire on for the Lord. Everyone song they sang I needed to hear. One song in particular, My History is Not My Destiny, really slapped me all in the face. I have done things in my past that I am not proud of, but I know that I am a child of the King. All of that mess I created is gone - forgiven and forgotten. I have to let it go.

The second thing that happened was a sermon I listened to on Sunday morning. The preacher at Frazier United Methodist Church in Montgomery is awesome. He preached about all the times in the Bible where God refers to himself as the Light. He talked about the Light will never be put out by the darkness. How we have so much darkness in our lives due to losing a job, having failing health, depression beyond your control, disappointed in your kids and their behaviors - hello are you talking to me? I mean there are over a 1000 people in that church and he is all in my face. The one thing he said that stuck with me is this statement, "What better gift to give Jesus this Christmas season than all your darkness...He can handle it....Let Him bring light into your life." That really stuck with me. Why am I hanging on to all this junk that I can't do anything about? Why am I not leaning on Him rather than myself - I think there is a Bible verse about that. :) I looked up how many times the word "light" is used in the Bible - 232 times where darkness is used 163 times. Even in the Bible, light takes over.

The third thing that happened was I read Beth Moore's blog - per ususal. Well she is a phenomenol Christian, teacher and woman. She is a firm believer in memorizing verses. Her theory is that if you have a plethera of verses in your head, you can pull one out at any time to fit your situation. This could be while ministering to another person, your having a bad day or you want to give glory to God for something He has worked out in your life. So she suggested taking a spiral bound index card and using it for memorizing verses that apply to your life. To do this you would memorize 2 verses a month. In addition she suggested to get an accountability partner who will do the same thing. Each one will hold the other accountable for memorizing their verses. (Well I picked another awesome Christian, Becky. She was my college roommate and kept me straight!) Anyway my verses for the year are going to be all about light. If it is used 232 times in the Bible then surely I can come up with 24 verses about light and how He will guide, guard and keep us in every situation we have. There may still be darkness that comes into my life in this New Year, but I am going to have a weapon ready for it.

I know this is kind of lengthy, but I just felt I had to share. So many people have been an encouragement to me, and I know they too must face darkness in their life at times. I want to be that person who can encourage in the New Year. I want to thank each person who reads this for all the encouragement you have given me this year. I hope I can return the gift....

Blessings,
Ginny

i have decided

i have decided alot of things in the past few days...

1. God will come first...no ifs, ands, or buts about it...
2. I am going back to work...
3. If my house gets cleaned it will be on my time...I can't do it all...I have always just wanted my house to be "pretty", but I guess I will have to wait on that
4. I am going to begin a gratitude journal...this will keep me out of the dumps
5. I will do two loads of laundry a day - my house looks like a Chinese laundry mat
6. I will take my meds first thing in the morning to include a multi vitamin - sometimes I get busy and forget...
7. Call my friends when I am in a good mood not just when I need a shoulder to cry on...
8. Be more patient - Lord help me with that one
9. Be more involved in Jacob's school...
10. Throw away more stuff...you have no idea how much junk I have....

family pics

He wanted to jump in that creek so bad...at one point he had his shirt off before we knew it...

This pic was taken just so we could get my new houndstooth ring in the picture.

This is just a cool pic.

I was trying SO hard not to laugh...I cannot look at him without laughing.

This is a perfect picture of Jacob...always laughing.

The monkeys were in the tree.

All the monkeys....

This is just an awesome pic...my photographer is so talented.

It looks like we are in love doesn't it?

My sweet daughter....

The Thinker

The "true" version of a Bama Belle....

Just the whole gang....

It took alot to keep these two still, close together and not kill each other....

My babies....

more pics

these are just a couple of snapshots we took today...we had professional pics made with all of our Alabama gear on...will post those pics later....

a week in pictures

my nativity scenes

my Christmas tree

me being caught off guard

my aunt marg and her birthday cake

my cousin, Jae, aunts Kathy and Marg, my mom, me and my aunt sharon

It has been a great day...just a glimpse into my family!

i am troubled....

i am troubled...have not been this way in a while...i am wanting to go back to work...no one thinks i am ready for it...i don't know if i am ready for it...but the desire to go back is still there...i was offered an interview for a contract position, but now i am nervous...i like being at home but this "schedule" people keep talking about that I will fall into, well it hasn't happened...i have been home since march and my house is still a disaster....my health is only somewhat better....and i am still depressed...please if you read this give me some feedback - positive or negative...

menu plan monday....

I get on these kicks where I try to be real organized and plan out meals for the week...well we are going to give this another try...

Monday: breakfast - fried ham, eggs and biscuits
Tuesday: Crock Pot lasagna - delicious and much easier
Wednesday: Black Eyed Pea Casserole and cornbread
Thursday: Chili
Friday: Pizza night
Saturday: you are on your own - do you need that recipe....

I hope everyone has a blessed week...remember the season and why we have it...remember the less fortunate...give to the Salvation Army, Toys for Tots, etc...you will get the most satisfaction I promise....

my heart continues to overflow....

jacob and i went to church this morning in lincoln rather than at logan martin...anyway, the preacher, mark martin, preached on the fruits of the spirit...when we got back in the car jacob said,

jacob: i feel so good about myself today
me: why
jacob: because i have forgive myself for my sins and so has God
me: that is wonderful
jacob: i want to go back to that church
me: ok we will do
jacob: those are nice people...it was a good service

i just teared up and thanked God for this day!

my heart overfloweth:

so my son and i are laying in the bed watching i carly - this is the conversation:

Jacob: so how has your day been
me: it has been good
Jacob: mine has been good too, but it has the best bc i was with my family
me: do you really love your family?
Jacob: yes, i only God more well i love yall equally
me: no you should always love God more than your family, God first, family second and job third
Jacob: so if they were going to kill you - you would want me to choose God instead of you
me: yes that is what i would want
Jacob: wow...i did not know you loved me that much

Then he gave me a big ole hug like none other...maybe i have done something right....

this is not what i signed up for....

do you ever wonder how you got to the place you are in your life? well i am so in that place right now...i am the person who believes you reap what you sow...therefore, i want to know what i did that was so bad that i am having to hurt like this everyday of my life...i know i have said before that i hurt but i don't think people understand...there is not a place on my body from my shoulders down that does not hurt...we are not talking a little discomfort i mean excruciating pain...i have so many gi issues that it is rediculous...my stomach is in knots and hurting...everything i eat comes right back up, along with bile and all kinds of other junk...it is to the point that i have been referred to a pain clinic....i am scared of a pain clinic....i am afraid of pain clinics...i am afraid i will get addiceted to the meds...my back hurts so bad everyday that the pain is nauseating at times...i am getting weary...i am tired...i don't know how much of this i can take...all i want to do is go back to work...is that too much to ask? anybody got any suggestions...

a sad day

my precious grandmother died monday at the age of 88 after a very courageous battle with congestive heart failure, a heart attack and kidney failure...it has been a rough week...i found out monday 15 minutes before i was to have surgery that she had died...i have spent the last week in the hospital and was not able to be with the family as they gathered around her bed to say their last goodbyes...i was discharged from the hospital just in time to make it for the viewing last night...it was tough...just as always you see family that you have not seen in several years...it is just a shame that it is at sad events such as these is the only time that we see family...it was definately a celebration of her life...so many memories...the holidays are going to be hard but we will get through them...when i am up to it i will share some of the great memories....

insurance nightmares

I have never in my life been more frustrated as I am right now. Let me preface this post with the fact that my husband works for Blue Cross and they are giving me a headache. As many of you know, my health has deteriorated over the past several months. I resigned from my job in March; therefore, I dropped my insurance with them. I had been covered through my insurance and my husband's insurance. When I dropped my insurance, his policy was my primary. BlueCross sent him a form to fill out and fax back in to make his policy primary. So he did. Well I start getting all these bills - one in the amount of $25k. We begin investigating and find out there was a "data entry error". The employee at Blue Cross put that it was primary as of 7-01-10 instead of 4-01-10. So my husband gets with HR and they correct the situation. I get on the phone with all these creditors asking them to refile their claims because there had been an error on Blue Cross' part. They did. Well today, I get numerous phone calls that Blue Cross has rejected their refile. I am now being told that we did not complete the forms in a "timely manner" so we are responsible for any medical bills from April 1 to July 1. Please tell me how I am supposed to pay approximately $35,000 worth of medical bills. Did I mention that I am not working? I don't know what to do. I have cried. I have gotten ugly with people on the phone. My husband is still working on it with HR, but I know what the end result will be - I am responsible for the payments. What do I do? Any suggestions would be nice!

Saturday Ramblings

well today has been an interesting day...i woke up this morning feeling like the race cars out at the track were running in my head...my back was so stiff it was hard to move...stephen had to help me out of bed...we cooked a late breakfast - smoked sausage, scrambled eggs and toast...all protein for me...my doctor would be proud...jut got an unexpected phone call from an old friend...i have not talked to her in almost 5 years...it made my night....i love old friends...she is so encouraging and positive and loving...spent some time with my momma and sister today...set a date to go to another friend's house to see her house decorated for Christmas...she is amazing...momma is going with me...bought some seasonal candles today....sunflower, harvest berry and pumpkin spice....they smell so good...i know this is a bunch of rambling but this is just what happened today...hope you have a great rest of the weekend....:)

Trying Thursday versus Thankful Thursday

Today has been a very stressful day. So I have been in a pretty ill mood. Let me tell you some of the things I have had to deal with today.

1. Met with the attorney's office about my SS disability - humiliating.
2. It is race weekend here, which means 200,000, people have invaded my quiet little town.
3. I have fought University Blvd. in Birmingham. At one point I wanted to get out of my car, pull someone from Chilton County out of their car and punch them in the face. I usually don't get road rage, but they were just being morons.
4. I have one car in the body shop because my daughter ran it under an Expedition. Tonight my husband call me on the way home to tell me the "check engine" light has come on in the other care and it is trying to "cut off."
5. A friend got killed last night trying to help someone in need.

Okay, so you see today has not been that great. But it is Thankful Thursday, and I am going to find some things to be thankful for.

1. Race weekend only comes twice a year.
2. I do not have to drive in downtown Birmingham everyday.
3. I have some money set aside to fix both cars. I will not have to borrow any money.
4. Our friend that was killed willl always be remembered that he gave his life trying to help someone else.
5. I have two awesome kids.
6. My daughter has really picked up the slack in housework that I am not able to do.
7. The beautiful fall colors.
8. My husband - he hasn't strangled me yet.
9. My parents and my sister. They are so helpful to me, and they love me.
10. Homemade cornbread - don't ask - it is just plain good.

It is always so easy to be negative....I am trying hard to find some positives and graditude.

fabulous friday

well today is friday and it is going to be a great day! i have made some progress in my house....some people may not can tell but oh well....i can....i have a new stove....a new dishwasher will be here monday....i cooked breakfast for my mom and me....i have cleaned up the kitchen.....bagged up three bags of clothes to give to a needy family....yesterday i went to the doctor and got a good report ...cooked an awesome supper last night and looking for another one tonight....i am reading the book "Battlefield of the Mind"...it is life changing...what we think, our attitudes and who we surround ourselves with makes all the difference in the world of how we think, feel and act....i am so happy to be home and not in the hospital and am looking forward to my date with my daughter on tomorrow...life is good...trust me it is!

we interrupt the regularly scheduled programming....

did i get your attention? well i am waiting any day for the producers of mystery diagnosis to knock on my front door. i have said for many years i feel like God's science experiment. i mean for pete's sake what else can possibly happen to me and my family. i don't think this is what stephen signed up for...

i think when i last left you it was on thankful thursday...oh i do have so much to be thankful for...on that day i had gotten out of the hospital after a 4 day stay....that stay was a result of my having chest pains...let me tell you, if you want to gt people moving, tell them you are having chest pains. i no sooner got those words out of my mouth i was in a wheelchair on my way back to the ER, thrown on the bed, stripped naked and hooked up to more wires tan what is behind my television. :) the ER doc decided that i had everything wrong with me that a person could have wrong with them, he would admit me for observation and let my doc take a look at me the next day. ok...we were agreeable to that. so i spend Labor Day at the luxurious St Vincent's / St. Clair hospital. on Tuesday a doctor who was covering for my doc came to see me. did not really learn a whole lot from him but he did not know me from adam. well about 5is, my cardiologist walks in. i had forgotten he came to pell city on tuesdays. he sat down beside me and in his kind gentle voice says, "you need to go to birmingham and have a heart cath in the morning...i think you mya have some blockages." HOLY COW! so he made the arrangments to have me transferred by ambulance to brookwood. so i got to ride 50 some odd miles in the back of a cracker box. we get to brookwood and get into a room. the nurse introduced herself to me and said she would be back shortly. oh did i mention they could not find a vein, surprise surprise, so i had to have an EJ done. i rested pretty well, the morphine helped,....bright and early on wednesday morning they come to get me for this procedure...i was by myself...none of my family was there....we had some other stuff going on that just did not allow for anyone to be there...i did not think it was a big deal until they start wheeling me down the hall....anyway, went into the OR, they gave me some awesome drugs and i woke back up to find out that my heart is ok...mild CAD but that is to be expected with diabetes. so since cardiology said it was not my heart they passed the ball to gastrointerology who said it was not their problem and they passed it back to cardiology...this went on about 10 minutes and i flipped my lid....i know that is hard to believe but i did...because ultimately i am the one who is suffering by not knowing what is going on...btw...the gastro on call was not my gastro doc....so everybody came to the agreement that i would go home on thursday and follow up with everybody....whoo

so i go home thursday...low and behold friday evening if my chest started hurting again, going down my arm and up into my jaw, sweaty, blood pressure 178/126 and heart rate 145....yeah i was pretty...stephen loaded me up in the car...called the doc on the way and took me back to pell city...they run a bunch of tests...urine, cbc, cmp, bmp, etc....nothing....doped me up and sent me home....i was miserable....

sunday i began running a temperature of 101....my blood sugar would not register on my machine so that means its was above 599...but i was determined to go see my daddy in the hospital...(he has been in the hospital for over a week...doing better...long way to go) anyway, momma said, "why don't you go to the ER down here while i visit with daddy and see what they say...you need to know exactly what your blood sugar is so you can take the right amount of insulin." i agreed. (daddy is at citizen's baptist) so i go down there and there is not a soul in the waiting room. they got me right back. i explained all of this to the triage nurse. she took me straight to a room and the doc was in my room in less than 10 minutes...i explained all of this to him and that i had been throwing up alot...he said without doing any blood work and just going off what i was telling him, he thought i was in diabetic ketoacidosis with a bladder infection. all the lab work came back and sure enough he was right. so i was admitted to the hospital. my dad was on one floor and i was on another. i typically don't go to talladega to the hospital for various reasons, but this was a very pleasant experience. they gave me tons of fluids as in the words of the doc, "you are dry as a bone"...don't you love being from the south? they gave me 2 different antibiotics and watched my blood pressure very closely. my blood pressure has decided that it can do whatever it wants to. we all know how this is going to turn out.

so i got to come home today and cannot be more happy...there is something about your own bed...it just sleeps better...so now if i can get my dad feeling better and back home, our family will be complete...i have the greatest family in the world...they get on my nerves sometmes, but i bet i get on their nerves too....my sister takes and picks Jacob up from school....she takes jamie to appointments and me too since i can't drive...she helps momma and daddy around the house...she has just been a blessing....my momma is the strong one...she takes on the world but she will let you know when she has had enough....she loves her husband and she loves us girls...then there is my daddy...he is one of a kind...he is laid back...if the sun comes up great if it doesn't then i will be that muck closer to seeing Jesus....that is basically his attitude about life....if i can be half of what these three people are i will have accomplished something....and i cannot close this out without mentioning my wonderful friends....yall pray for me daily, pray for my family...yall have been with me through some pretty tough times with my daughter, yall have been there through the triumphs, the celebrations, proms, broken hearts just to name a few...i want yall to know i would not be here today if it weren't for my family and friends.....I LOVE ALL OF YOU!

thankful thursdays....

i have griped and complained alot lately so in an effort to get out of this rut, i am attempting thankful thursday!!!
*have made it almost a week without a seizure

*have an awesome neurologist who is taking this very seriously

*that i have accepted not working right now and being able to be home with my kids

*that my family loves me unconditionally

*that i have an awesome sister - don't get the big head

*that my husband has a great job and is understanding of this science experiment called my health

* we are getting answers as related to my dad's health problems

*that my mom is the strongest woman i know

*that my son has some of the same teachers i had in school

*for my friends

*for ALABAMA football - for football in general