so my son and i are laying in the bed watching i carly - this is the conversation:
Jacob: so how has your day been
me: it has been good
Jacob: mine has been good too, but it has the best bc i was with my family
me: do you really love your family?
Jacob: yes, i only God more well i love yall equally
me: no you should always love God more than your family, God first, family second and job third
Jacob: so if they were going to kill you - you would want me to choose God instead of you
me: yes that is what i would want
Jacob: wow...i did not know you loved me that much
Then he gave me a big ole hug like none other...maybe i have done something right....
My Bassakward Group
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
this is not what i signed up for....
do you ever wonder how you got to the place you are in your life? well i am so in that place right now...i am the person who believes you reap what you sow...therefore, i want to know what i did that was so bad that i am having to hurt like this everyday of my life...i know i have said before that i hurt but i don't think people understand...there is not a place on my body from my shoulders down that does not hurt...we are not talking a little discomfort i mean excruciating pain...i have so many gi issues that it is rediculous...my stomach is in knots and hurting...everything i eat comes right back up, along with bile and all kinds of other junk...it is to the point that i have been referred to a pain clinic....i am scared of a pain clinic....i am afraid of pain clinics...i am afraid i will get addiceted to the meds...my back hurts so bad everyday that the pain is nauseating at times...i am getting weary...i am tired...i don't know how much of this i can take...all i want to do is go back to work...is that too much to ask? anybody got any suggestions...
Thursday, November 18, 2010
a sad day
my precious grandmother died monday at the age of 88 after a very courageous battle with congestive heart failure, a heart attack and kidney failure...it has been a rough week...i found out monday 15 minutes before i was to have surgery that she had died...i have spent the last week in the hospital and was not able to be with the family as they gathered around her bed to say their last goodbyes...i was discharged from the hospital just in time to make it for the viewing last night...it was tough...just as always you see family that you have not seen in several years...it is just a shame that it is at sad events such as these is the only time that we see family...it was definately a celebration of her life...so many memories...the holidays are going to be hard but we will get through them...when i am up to it i will share some of the great memories....
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
insurance nightmares
I have never in my life been more frustrated as I am right now. Let me preface this post with the fact that my husband works for Blue Cross and they are giving me a headache. As many of you know, my health has deteriorated over the past several months. I resigned from my job in March; therefore, I dropped my insurance with them. I had been covered through my insurance and my husband's insurance. When I dropped my insurance, his policy was my primary. BlueCross sent him a form to fill out and fax back in to make his policy primary. So he did. Well I start getting all these bills - one in the amount of $25k. We begin investigating and find out there was a "data entry error". The employee at Blue Cross put that it was primary as of 7-01-10 instead of 4-01-10. So my husband gets with HR and they correct the situation. I get on the phone with all these creditors asking them to refile their claims because there had been an error on Blue Cross' part. They did. Well today, I get numerous phone calls that Blue Cross has rejected their refile. I am now being told that we did not complete the forms in a "timely manner" so we are responsible for any medical bills from April 1 to July 1. Please tell me how I am supposed to pay approximately $35,000 worth of medical bills. Did I mention that I am not working? I don't know what to do. I have cried. I have gotten ugly with people on the phone. My husband is still working on it with HR, but I know what the end result will be - I am responsible for the payments. What do I do? Any suggestions would be nice!
Monday, November 01, 2010
Saturday Ramblings
well today has been an interesting day...i woke up this morning feeling like the race cars out at the track were running in my head...my back was so stiff it was hard to move...stephen had to help me out of bed...we cooked a late breakfast - smoked sausage, scrambled eggs and toast...all protein for me...my doctor would be proud...jut got an unexpected phone call from an old friend...i have not talked to her in almost 5 years...it made my night....i love old friends...she is so encouraging and positive and loving...spent some time with my momma and sister today...set a date to go to another friend's house to see her house decorated for Christmas...she is amazing...momma is going with me...bought some seasonal candles today....sunflower, harvest berry and pumpkin spice....they smell so good...i know this is a bunch of rambling but this is just what happened today...hope you have a great rest of the weekend....:)
Trying Thursday versus Thankful Thursday
Today has been a very stressful day. So I have been in a pretty ill mood. Let me tell you some of the things I have had to deal with today.
1. Met with the attorney's office about my SS disability - humiliating.
2. It is race weekend here, which means 200,000, people have invaded my quiet little town.
3. I have fought University Blvd. in Birmingham. At one point I wanted to get out of my car, pull someone from Chilton County out of their car and punch them in the face. I usually don't get road rage, but they were just being morons.
4. I have one car in the body shop because my daughter ran it under an Expedition. Tonight my husband call me on the way home to tell me the "check engine" light has come on in the other care and it is trying to "cut off."
5. A friend got killed last night trying to help someone in need.
Okay, so you see today has not been that great. But it is Thankful Thursday, and I am going to find some things to be thankful for.
1. Race weekend only comes twice a year.
2. I do not have to drive in downtown Birmingham everyday.
3. I have some money set aside to fix both cars. I will not have to borrow any money.
4. Our friend that was killed willl always be remembered that he gave his life trying to help someone else.
5. I have two awesome kids.
6. My daughter has really picked up the slack in housework that I am not able to do.
7. The beautiful fall colors.
8. My husband - he hasn't strangled me yet.
9. My parents and my sister. They are so helpful to me, and they love me.
10. Homemade cornbread - don't ask - it is just plain good.
It is always so easy to be negative....I am trying hard to find some positives and graditude.
1. Met with the attorney's office about my SS disability - humiliating.
2. It is race weekend here, which means 200,000, people have invaded my quiet little town.
3. I have fought University Blvd. in Birmingham. At one point I wanted to get out of my car, pull someone from Chilton County out of their car and punch them in the face. I usually don't get road rage, but they were just being morons.
4. I have one car in the body shop because my daughter ran it under an Expedition. Tonight my husband call me on the way home to tell me the "check engine" light has come on in the other care and it is trying to "cut off."
5. A friend got killed last night trying to help someone in need.
Okay, so you see today has not been that great. But it is Thankful Thursday, and I am going to find some things to be thankful for.
1. Race weekend only comes twice a year.
2. I do not have to drive in downtown Birmingham everyday.
3. I have some money set aside to fix both cars. I will not have to borrow any money.
4. Our friend that was killed willl always be remembered that he gave his life trying to help someone else.
5. I have two awesome kids.
6. My daughter has really picked up the slack in housework that I am not able to do.
7. The beautiful fall colors.
8. My husband - he hasn't strangled me yet.
9. My parents and my sister. They are so helpful to me, and they love me.
10. Homemade cornbread - don't ask - it is just plain good.
It is always so easy to be negative....I am trying hard to find some positives and graditude.
Friday, October 15, 2010
fabulous friday
well today is friday and it is going to be a great day! i have made some progress in my house....some people may not can tell but oh well....i can....i have a new stove....a new dishwasher will be here monday....i cooked breakfast for my mom and me....i have cleaned up the kitchen.....bagged up three bags of clothes to give to a needy family....yesterday i went to the doctor and got a good report ...cooked an awesome supper last night and looking for another one tonight....i am reading the book "Battlefield of the Mind"...it is life changing...what we think, our attitudes and who we surround ourselves with makes all the difference in the world of how we think, feel and act....i am so happy to be home and not in the hospital and am looking forward to my date with my daughter on tomorrow...life is good...trust me it is!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
we interrupt the regularly scheduled programming....
did i get your attention? well i am waiting any day for the producers of mystery diagnosis to knock on my front door. i have said for many years i feel like God's science experiment. i mean for pete's sake what else can possibly happen to me and my family. i don't think this is what stephen signed up for...
i think when i last left you it was on thankful thursday...oh i do have so much to be thankful for...on that day i had gotten out of the hospital after a 4 day stay....that stay was a result of my having chest pains...let me tell you, if you want to gt people moving, tell them you are having chest pains. i no sooner got those words out of my mouth i was in a wheelchair on my way back to the ER, thrown on the bed, stripped naked and hooked up to more wires tan what is behind my television. :) the ER doc decided that i had everything wrong with me that a person could have wrong with them, he would admit me for observation and let my doc take a look at me the next day. ok...we were agreeable to that. so i spend Labor Day at the luxurious St Vincent's / St. Clair hospital. on Tuesday a doctor who was covering for my doc came to see me. did not really learn a whole lot from him but he did not know me from adam. well about 5is, my cardiologist walks in. i had forgotten he came to pell city on tuesdays. he sat down beside me and in his kind gentle voice says, "you need to go to birmingham and have a heart cath in the morning...i think you mya have some blockages." HOLY COW! so he made the arrangments to have me transferred by ambulance to brookwood. so i got to ride 50 some odd miles in the back of a cracker box. we get to brookwood and get into a room. the nurse introduced herself to me and said she would be back shortly. oh did i mention they could not find a vein, surprise surprise, so i had to have an EJ done. i rested pretty well, the morphine helped,....bright and early on wednesday morning they come to get me for this procedure...i was by myself...none of my family was there....we had some other stuff going on that just did not allow for anyone to be there...i did not think it was a big deal until they start wheeling me down the hall....anyway, went into the OR, they gave me some awesome drugs and i woke back up to find out that my heart is ok...mild CAD but that is to be expected with diabetes. so since cardiology said it was not my heart they passed the ball to gastrointerology who said it was not their problem and they passed it back to cardiology...this went on about 10 minutes and i flipped my lid....i know that is hard to believe but i did...because ultimately i am the one who is suffering by not knowing what is going on...btw...the gastro on call was not my gastro doc....so everybody came to the agreement that i would go home on thursday and follow up with everybody....whoo
so i go home thursday...low and behold friday evening if my chest started hurting again, going down my arm and up into my jaw, sweaty, blood pressure 178/126 and heart rate 145....yeah i was pretty...stephen loaded me up in the car...called the doc on the way and took me back to pell city...they run a bunch of tests...urine, cbc, cmp, bmp, etc....nothing....doped me up and sent me home....i was miserable....
sunday i began running a temperature of 101....my blood sugar would not register on my machine so that means its was above 599...but i was determined to go see my daddy in the hospital...(he has been in the hospital for over a week...doing better...long way to go) anyway, momma said, "why don't you go to the ER down here while i visit with daddy and see what they say...you need to know exactly what your blood sugar is so you can take the right amount of insulin." i agreed. (daddy is at citizen's baptist) so i go down there and there is not a soul in the waiting room. they got me right back. i explained all of this to the triage nurse. she took me straight to a room and the doc was in my room in less than 10 minutes...i explained all of this to him and that i had been throwing up alot...he said without doing any blood work and just going off what i was telling him, he thought i was in diabetic ketoacidosis with a bladder infection. all the lab work came back and sure enough he was right. so i was admitted to the hospital. my dad was on one floor and i was on another. i typically don't go to talladega to the hospital for various reasons, but this was a very pleasant experience. they gave me tons of fluids as in the words of the doc, "you are dry as a bone"...don't you love being from the south? they gave me 2 different antibiotics and watched my blood pressure very closely. my blood pressure has decided that it can do whatever it wants to. we all know how this is going to turn out.
so i got to come home today and cannot be more happy...there is something about your own bed...it just sleeps better...so now if i can get my dad feeling better and back home, our family will be complete...i have the greatest family in the world...they get on my nerves sometmes, but i bet i get on their nerves too....my sister takes and picks Jacob up from school....she takes jamie to appointments and me too since i can't drive...she helps momma and daddy around the house...she has just been a blessing....my momma is the strong one...she takes on the world but she will let you know when she has had enough....she loves her husband and she loves us girls...then there is my daddy...he is one of a kind...he is laid back...if the sun comes up great if it doesn't then i will be that muck closer to seeing Jesus....that is basically his attitude about life....if i can be half of what these three people are i will have accomplished something....and i cannot close this out without mentioning my wonderful friends....yall pray for me daily, pray for my family...yall have been with me through some pretty tough times with my daughter, yall have been there through the triumphs, the celebrations, proms, broken hearts just to name a few...i want yall to know i would not be here today if it weren't for my family and friends.....I LOVE ALL OF YOU!
i think when i last left you it was on thankful thursday...oh i do have so much to be thankful for...on that day i had gotten out of the hospital after a 4 day stay....that stay was a result of my having chest pains...let me tell you, if you want to gt people moving, tell them you are having chest pains. i no sooner got those words out of my mouth i was in a wheelchair on my way back to the ER, thrown on the bed, stripped naked and hooked up to more wires tan what is behind my television. :) the ER doc decided that i had everything wrong with me that a person could have wrong with them, he would admit me for observation and let my doc take a look at me the next day. ok...we were agreeable to that. so i spend Labor Day at the luxurious St Vincent's / St. Clair hospital. on Tuesday a doctor who was covering for my doc came to see me. did not really learn a whole lot from him but he did not know me from adam. well about 5is, my cardiologist walks in. i had forgotten he came to pell city on tuesdays. he sat down beside me and in his kind gentle voice says, "you need to go to birmingham and have a heart cath in the morning...i think you mya have some blockages." HOLY COW! so he made the arrangments to have me transferred by ambulance to brookwood. so i got to ride 50 some odd miles in the back of a cracker box. we get to brookwood and get into a room. the nurse introduced herself to me and said she would be back shortly. oh did i mention they could not find a vein, surprise surprise, so i had to have an EJ done. i rested pretty well, the morphine helped,....bright and early on wednesday morning they come to get me for this procedure...i was by myself...none of my family was there....we had some other stuff going on that just did not allow for anyone to be there...i did not think it was a big deal until they start wheeling me down the hall....anyway, went into the OR, they gave me some awesome drugs and i woke back up to find out that my heart is ok...mild CAD but that is to be expected with diabetes. so since cardiology said it was not my heart they passed the ball to gastrointerology who said it was not their problem and they passed it back to cardiology...this went on about 10 minutes and i flipped my lid....i know that is hard to believe but i did...because ultimately i am the one who is suffering by not knowing what is going on...btw...the gastro on call was not my gastro doc....so everybody came to the agreement that i would go home on thursday and follow up with everybody....whoo
so i go home thursday...low and behold friday evening if my chest started hurting again, going down my arm and up into my jaw, sweaty, blood pressure 178/126 and heart rate 145....yeah i was pretty...stephen loaded me up in the car...called the doc on the way and took me back to pell city...they run a bunch of tests...urine, cbc, cmp, bmp, etc....nothing....doped me up and sent me home....i was miserable....
sunday i began running a temperature of 101....my blood sugar would not register on my machine so that means its was above 599...but i was determined to go see my daddy in the hospital...(he has been in the hospital for over a week...doing better...long way to go) anyway, momma said, "why don't you go to the ER down here while i visit with daddy and see what they say...you need to know exactly what your blood sugar is so you can take the right amount of insulin." i agreed. (daddy is at citizen's baptist) so i go down there and there is not a soul in the waiting room. they got me right back. i explained all of this to the triage nurse. she took me straight to a room and the doc was in my room in less than 10 minutes...i explained all of this to him and that i had been throwing up alot...he said without doing any blood work and just going off what i was telling him, he thought i was in diabetic ketoacidosis with a bladder infection. all the lab work came back and sure enough he was right. so i was admitted to the hospital. my dad was on one floor and i was on another. i typically don't go to talladega to the hospital for various reasons, but this was a very pleasant experience. they gave me tons of fluids as in the words of the doc, "you are dry as a bone"...don't you love being from the south? they gave me 2 different antibiotics and watched my blood pressure very closely. my blood pressure has decided that it can do whatever it wants to. we all know how this is going to turn out.
so i got to come home today and cannot be more happy...there is something about your own bed...it just sleeps better...so now if i can get my dad feeling better and back home, our family will be complete...i have the greatest family in the world...they get on my nerves sometmes, but i bet i get on their nerves too....my sister takes and picks Jacob up from school....she takes jamie to appointments and me too since i can't drive...she helps momma and daddy around the house...she has just been a blessing....my momma is the strong one...she takes on the world but she will let you know when she has had enough....she loves her husband and she loves us girls...then there is my daddy...he is one of a kind...he is laid back...if the sun comes up great if it doesn't then i will be that muck closer to seeing Jesus....that is basically his attitude about life....if i can be half of what these three people are i will have accomplished something....and i cannot close this out without mentioning my wonderful friends....yall pray for me daily, pray for my family...yall have been with me through some pretty tough times with my daughter, yall have been there through the triumphs, the celebrations, proms, broken hearts just to name a few...i want yall to know i would not be here today if it weren't for my family and friends.....I LOVE ALL OF YOU!
Thursday, September 02, 2010
thankful thursdays....
i have griped and complained alot lately so in an effort to get out of this rut, i am attempting thankful thursday!!!
*have made it almost a week without a seizure
*have an awesome neurologist who is taking this very seriously
*that i have accepted not working right now and being able to be home with my kids
*that my family loves me unconditionally
*that i have an awesome sister - don't get the big head
*that my husband has a great job and is understanding of this science experiment called my health
* we are getting answers as related to my dad's health problems
*that my mom is the strongest woman i know
*that my son has some of the same teachers i had in school
*for my friends
*for ALABAMA football - for football in general
*have made it almost a week without a seizure
*have an awesome neurologist who is taking this very seriously
*that i have accepted not working right now and being able to be home with my kids
*that my family loves me unconditionally
*that i have an awesome sister - don't get the big head
*that my husband has a great job and is understanding of this science experiment called my health
* we are getting answers as related to my dad's health problems
*that my mom is the strongest woman i know
*that my son has some of the same teachers i had in school
*for my friends
*for ALABAMA football - for football in general
Friday, August 27, 2010
the madness has begun....
we are officially in our second week of school...sixth grade to be exact...my son is not supposed to be that old...the first week went well but the second week has been challenging...we - that being jacob- has decided it is not necessary to attempt much less complete his work in school...now how do you think this has gone over with me the child of a retired school teacher...we have had detention this week because of this decision and our xbox, cell phone and lap top has been taken away...my momma would have whooped my butt...but that is another story....on to other news...
stove and dishwasher have gone out this week, i have had three seizures since july 31, been to the neurologist and that is about it...
jamie helped me in the house today...kitchen got cleaned, floors swept and groceries bought....i felt like i had been let out of a cage...i have not been out or driven since july...this whole seizure thing is putting a dent in my life...i never know when one is going to hit or what triggers them...it is real scary...but i have wonderful friends who have been so supportive and prayerful for me...my family has rocked...getting jacob to and from school...going to the pharmacy for me...taking me to buy groceries...much more gracious than i deserve...
i am going for tilt table testing sometime next week...it seems that my seizures happen when i am getting up from a sitting position...my doc thinks that it could be my blood pressure that is triggering these seizures...so i will go for this test and see what it shows...they will put me on a table...strap me down and put a blood pressure cuff on my arm and measure it at different angles...if this does not give us any answers then i will go spend two days at uab where they will do an extensive EEG that is videoed....so we are working on finding the answer....the bad part is that we may never find out what causes them...i ask that all of you continue to pray for me and my family as we go through this trial....
love & peace
stove and dishwasher have gone out this week, i have had three seizures since july 31, been to the neurologist and that is about it...
jamie helped me in the house today...kitchen got cleaned, floors swept and groceries bought....i felt like i had been let out of a cage...i have not been out or driven since july...this whole seizure thing is putting a dent in my life...i never know when one is going to hit or what triggers them...it is real scary...but i have wonderful friends who have been so supportive and prayerful for me...my family has rocked...getting jacob to and from school...going to the pharmacy for me...taking me to buy groceries...much more gracious than i deserve...
i am going for tilt table testing sometime next week...it seems that my seizures happen when i am getting up from a sitting position...my doc thinks that it could be my blood pressure that is triggering these seizures...so i will go for this test and see what it shows...they will put me on a table...strap me down and put a blood pressure cuff on my arm and measure it at different angles...if this does not give us any answers then i will go spend two days at uab where they will do an extensive EEG that is videoed....so we are working on finding the answer....the bad part is that we may never find out what causes them...i ask that all of you continue to pray for me and my family as we go through this trial....
love & peace
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
around the world in 14 days....
ok i know the children's story is "in 80 days"....but i feel like i have been around the world in 14 days....as many of you know my life is never boring...so here is the latest...on 7-31-10 my body decided that it would go into grand mal seizures....i have never had them before so this was new to my whole family....my hubby was out of town and my son found me... God bless his soul....i get my story from my momma two days later...i did not know anything for those two days...i was basically in a coma for those two days...i woke up on monday, august 2, in restraints, central line in my neck and bruises all over my body...i was very confused....
the story goes like this...my son noticed there was something wrong with me...i was not making any sense, my face was very red and i was very confused...i was trying to go to my bathroom by way of the kitchen, which is totally not the direction...he ran and got my momma...she tried to check my blood sugar it read error, i made it to the bathroom, she heard a thump, i was in the floor seizing, she called 911, they were here within 10 minutes, was told that i had 6 - 10 seizures between the time it started and i got to st. vincent's east which is about 30 miles away....took 6 - 8 people to hold me down to care for me...i guess you do not realize how strong you are until you are sick and out of control.....
during the seizures, i fell and broke my shoulder...we did not know immediately but found out after i woke up and knew i was in the world...i have an impaction fracture with the socket broken off on both sides...that is the only other injury that we know of right now but we will find out more as complete more evaluations....i will be on seizure meds for the next six months....go see the neurologist at the end of this month and see what the plan is...
i will have surgery on friday to reconstruct my shoulder...i had a CT scan at St. Vincent's East but they were afraid to do surgery because of the seizures...the ortho there did not see any reason to start a new case when i already had an ortho at brookwood, dr. powell....he did my shoulder twice, my mom's hip and knee...anyway, went to see him yesterday, got a CT scan with reconstruction, which is supposed to be the new shiznit....so today dr. powell's assistant called me and said surgery was friday...there are bits of bone just floating around in the "shoulder cavity"..."it is screwed up"...the good thing is that it is the same shoulder that i have had surgery on twice before so at least i have not messed up my "good" shoulder....
so this is what is going on in my world....i ask for your prayers both for myself and my family...i will update as i know more information....love and peace.....
the story goes like this...my son noticed there was something wrong with me...i was not making any sense, my face was very red and i was very confused...i was trying to go to my bathroom by way of the kitchen, which is totally not the direction...he ran and got my momma...she tried to check my blood sugar it read error, i made it to the bathroom, she heard a thump, i was in the floor seizing, she called 911, they were here within 10 minutes, was told that i had 6 - 10 seizures between the time it started and i got to st. vincent's east which is about 30 miles away....took 6 - 8 people to hold me down to care for me...i guess you do not realize how strong you are until you are sick and out of control.....
during the seizures, i fell and broke my shoulder...we did not know immediately but found out after i woke up and knew i was in the world...i have an impaction fracture with the socket broken off on both sides...that is the only other injury that we know of right now but we will find out more as complete more evaluations....i will be on seizure meds for the next six months....go see the neurologist at the end of this month and see what the plan is...
i will have surgery on friday to reconstruct my shoulder...i had a CT scan at St. Vincent's East but they were afraid to do surgery because of the seizures...the ortho there did not see any reason to start a new case when i already had an ortho at brookwood, dr. powell....he did my shoulder twice, my mom's hip and knee...anyway, went to see him yesterday, got a CT scan with reconstruction, which is supposed to be the new shiznit....so today dr. powell's assistant called me and said surgery was friday...there are bits of bone just floating around in the "shoulder cavity"..."it is screwed up"...the good thing is that it is the same shoulder that i have had surgery on twice before so at least i have not messed up my "good" shoulder....
so this is what is going on in my world....i ask for your prayers both for myself and my family...i will update as i know more information....love and peace.....
Saturday, July 24, 2010
my most wonderful night
i had a wonderful night...something that has not come out of my mouth in several months...today is my aunt's 60th birthday and her birthday gift to herself was to take her entire family out to dinner at a "very nice" resturant....i thought how selfless this was that she wanted to be with her entire family on her special day and then of all things to foot the bill...we are a family that gets together on Thanksgiving and Christmas....we always say we are going to do better...well Kathy did better....i am planning to send her a thank you card for her generosity and kindness...and the topping on the cake my hubby was with me too! (no kids were allowed :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Blessings come in different ways...
A very dear young lady to me has felt my pain the past few days....she has wisdom beyond belief....in my last posting this was her reply...i love you olivia arnold....
You have a Jesus who loves you more than anyone in this world ever could. And he's also healing you minute by minute in ways that you might not understand now but soon you will. That same Jesus is getting ready to put something amazing in your life to replace these bad times your facing. This Jesus is also keeping his promises..and he's ... See Morepromised us help at the time when its needed most. You WILL get better. We have prayed so hard for your healing and whatever we ask in his name will happen so now we've just gotta let him take his precious time so that when your healing arrives its perfect. I hope i dont sound "preachy" I just shared my heart with you...(: I love you Ginny and you are a blessing to have as a second momma.(:
You have a Jesus who loves you more than anyone in this world ever could. And he's also healing you minute by minute in ways that you might not understand now but soon you will. That same Jesus is getting ready to put something amazing in your life to replace these bad times your facing. This Jesus is also keeping his promises..and he's ... See Morepromised us help at the time when its needed most. You WILL get better. We have prayed so hard for your healing and whatever we ask in his name will happen so now we've just gotta let him take his precious time so that when your healing arrives its perfect. I hope i dont sound "preachy" I just shared my heart with you...(: I love you Ginny and you are a blessing to have as a second momma.(:
Friday, July 16, 2010
Where did I go?
Where did I go? This is a question I have been asking myself alot lately. I am not the person I used to be. The one with the attitude, the spunk, the charisma to cheer anybody up. Over the past year my health has not treated me fairly. Some of it could be my fault and some of it is just the nature of the beast called diabetes. I no longer have that joy in my life. I no longer want to be the bright spot in someone's day. I no longer care if I take a shower. I no longer care about alot of things. I know all these are signs and symptoms of depression. I am on medication and I am not about to go jump off a bridge...so don't get real excited. I just want to know where I went. I want to know where the thirst for God's knowledge went. I want to know where the zest of being a mom, a friend, a sister, a daughter, etc...where did all that go? I am not able to work right now. I don't know if I will ever be able to work again. All I have ever known is to work and work hard. Working and making a difference in people's lives beats the heck out of working to clean a house. I love my time with my baby boy who is 10 years old. My oldest has moved on. I feel unappreciated, unvaluable, walked over, stepped over....these are all the feelings I felt when I was in school... I don't want to feel this way anymore, but I don't know how to get out of it. I want my life back...I want my marriage to have that spark again...I want my children to say, "Oh mom supper was great!" Is this too much to ask for? If it is then this is not what I signed up for!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
thankful thursdays....
lately i have not been very thankful...but today is a new day....i am thankful for
*i am at home from the hospital
*i have loving friendsd
*great husband and family
*new doors are opening up for me
*my friends have had relaxing vacations
*that my grandmother is getting the help she needs
*my parents who offer different modes of advise but is good advice
*my children
*my new job as a stay at home mom
*my daughter who has taught me patience
* my son who has taught me to laugh
*my husband has taught me not to worry
*in the past few days I have learned that worrying does not good - so stop worrying
*in the past few days I have learned just to chill out..what is going to be is what is going to be i
have so much to be thankful for it is impossible to list them all...
*i am at home from the hospital
*i have loving friendsd
*great husband and family
*new doors are opening up for me
*my friends have had relaxing vacations
*that my grandmother is getting the help she needs
*my parents who offer different modes of advise but is good advice
*my children
*my new job as a stay at home mom
*my daughter who has taught me patience
* my son who has taught me to laugh
*my husband has taught me not to worry
*in the past few days I have learned that worrying does not good - so stop worrying
*in the past few days I have learned just to chill out..what is going to be is what is going to be i
have so much to be thankful for it is impossible to list them all...
Friday, July 09, 2010
Hi my name is Ginny.......
I feel like I need to reintroduce myself to some of you, but here I am. I am home from the hospital. I am still not feeling great. I don't know that I will ever feel great again. I am missing work like crazy. I am enjoying being home with Jacob, but there is another part of me that needs fulfillment. There are so many things I want to do but don't have the energy to do them. The housework never seems to end. I watch Clean House for therapy to let myself know that my house isn't that bad. I keep telling myself that I don't live in Haiti. I have a roof over my head. I have food in my pantry. I have running water. It is the worry of not being able to have these things. I am not materialistic by any means. I really HATE to spend money. It's just that if I want to take a friend out for lunch or buy something for my hubs I would like to be able to do that. It is bare bones right now. I am still waiting on determinations on my longterm disability through my work and through the social security. I never thought I would be in the place to have to be depending on those resources. I am just thankful that I have worked all these years and have paid into something that I can now use when I need it. I just hope that they think I need it. There really is nothing else to talk about, so I wll write more later....
Thursday, July 01, 2010
tasty thursday
ok it does not sound as tantelizing as tasty tuesday but i just created an awesome dish...i call it creamy chicken and egg noodles
1 12 oz bag egg noodles
as much chicken as you want
mushrooms
parmesan cheese
butter
cream of chicken soup
cook egg noodles per directions
saute chicken with buter and parmesan cheese
add mushrooms
add soup
stir together and their you have it....
in other news
took jamie to finish the admission process for college
have a clean bathroom
1/2 cleaned bedroom
and soon to be cleaned kitchen
it has been a busy day....hope everyone has had a great day
oh and book reviews -
time of my life - allison winn scotch
the visiting physician
buster's midnight cafe
1 12 oz bag egg noodles
as much chicken as you want
mushrooms
parmesan cheese
butter
cream of chicken soup
cook egg noodles per directions
saute chicken with buter and parmesan cheese
add mushrooms
add soup
stir together and their you have it....
in other news
took jamie to finish the admission process for college
have a clean bathroom
1/2 cleaned bedroom
and soon to be cleaned kitchen
it has been a busy day....hope everyone has had a great day
oh and book reviews -
time of my life - allison winn scotch
the visiting physician
buster's midnight cafe
Monday, June 07, 2010
i am getting naked....
ok...don't shut your computer down...there are no pictures....
i was talking to my sister today about some stuff...today has been kind of an emotional roller coaster for me as i have to go on wednesday and clean out my office...i was not fired or any of that drama, but my health has just gotten to the point that something had to give and that was the lucky winner...but she said to me..."gin, you just need to get naked...say this is who i am, these are my faults, i am human, take it or leave it..." i thought about that the rest of the day and i think she is right....so her is my nakedness
1. i am a big ole sinner that is saved by the grace of God- hallelujah
2. i am a wife, mom, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, social worker
3. i have extensive health problem from my diabetes
4. i am very focused and driven which can be to fault
5. i am my worst enemy - i set my standards way too high
6. i have a sarcastic mouth
7. i am a control freak - when i don't know what is going on i feel like a hamster on a wheel
8. i have never been a stay at home mom - this is my first go at it - i will probably screw it up somewhere on the way
9. i am not a good housekeeper - yet
10. i have 2 beautiful children that are the light of my life
11. i have a loving husband who put me on a pedestal 13 years ago and i am not coming down
12. i am scared of alot of things
13. i am scared that i make the wrong decisions for my family
14. when i was working i was very confident in the counseling and advice i gave to my clients, but i am not so sure about it with my family
15. i am scared that i am not going to be around for my children...i HATE diabetes - it is a silent killer
16. i want to be more involved in my children's lives
17. i want the spark back in my marriage - it is not a bad marriage so don't get the wrong idea...just that feeling i would get when i would see him standing under the oak tree at hamil hall with trunk of his camaro open waiting for me to go spend a weekend somewhere
18. i want to be a better friend - i want to be the friend that says the right words when they needed to be said, i want to be the friend who is thoughtful enough to send cards to people just out of the blue to brighten their day
19. I WANT TO BE A BETTER CHRISTIAN AND BETTER ATTENDEE OF CHURCH
20. i want peace in my life...it is kind of stir crazy right now - i have always worked and don't really know what else to do so this homemaking business is a bit new to me....
These are very private thoughts that i have had for a while, but my sis was right, I just need to get naked. I hope after reading this you still want to be my friend. I hope that you will still love me. But if you aren't and these things frighten you, I am sorry. I am human and a child of God.
Now back to regular programming.
i was talking to my sister today about some stuff...today has been kind of an emotional roller coaster for me as i have to go on wednesday and clean out my office...i was not fired or any of that drama, but my health has just gotten to the point that something had to give and that was the lucky winner...but she said to me..."gin, you just need to get naked...say this is who i am, these are my faults, i am human, take it or leave it..." i thought about that the rest of the day and i think she is right....so her is my nakedness
1. i am a big ole sinner that is saved by the grace of God- hallelujah
2. i am a wife, mom, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, social worker
3. i have extensive health problem from my diabetes
4. i am very focused and driven which can be to fault
5. i am my worst enemy - i set my standards way too high
6. i have a sarcastic mouth
7. i am a control freak - when i don't know what is going on i feel like a hamster on a wheel
8. i have never been a stay at home mom - this is my first go at it - i will probably screw it up somewhere on the way
9. i am not a good housekeeper - yet
10. i have 2 beautiful children that are the light of my life
11. i have a loving husband who put me on a pedestal 13 years ago and i am not coming down
12. i am scared of alot of things
13. i am scared that i make the wrong decisions for my family
14. when i was working i was very confident in the counseling and advice i gave to my clients, but i am not so sure about it with my family
15. i am scared that i am not going to be around for my children...i HATE diabetes - it is a silent killer
16. i want to be more involved in my children's lives
17. i want the spark back in my marriage - it is not a bad marriage so don't get the wrong idea...just that feeling i would get when i would see him standing under the oak tree at hamil hall with trunk of his camaro open waiting for me to go spend a weekend somewhere
18. i want to be a better friend - i want to be the friend that says the right words when they needed to be said, i want to be the friend who is thoughtful enough to send cards to people just out of the blue to brighten their day
19. I WANT TO BE A BETTER CHRISTIAN AND BETTER ATTENDEE OF CHURCH
20. i want peace in my life...it is kind of stir crazy right now - i have always worked and don't really know what else to do so this homemaking business is a bit new to me....
These are very private thoughts that i have had for a while, but my sis was right, I just need to get naked. I hope after reading this you still want to be my friend. I hope that you will still love me. But if you aren't and these things frighten you, I am sorry. I am human and a child of God.
Now back to regular programming.
Friday, May 28, 2010
thankful thursdays....early on friday morning...
i am still up at 230 in the am....i cannot sleep...i have alot of fun stuff and not so fun stuff to do this weekend and next week, but i still have to post my "thankful thursdays"
1. my daughter, jamie, graduated from high school tonight
2. my son, jacob, passed to the 6th grade, his report card was awesome
3. my grandmother, two of my aunts, one uncle, my parents and my sis were all there to celebrate jamie's accomplishment
4. ganny and pawpaw and ande z were there too...but they also had relatives that were graduating, but hey i will take it however i can get
5. i get to have lunch with my bff and another dear friend tomorrow
6. my hubby is working from home on friday - yeah.....
7. i am beginning to get into a routine of being at home...today was not so good but we will get back on track
8. my husband has encouraged me to stay home and get well...he has no resentment in this statement...he is the best....
9. my hubby surprised me with the new Gaither Vocal Band CD....good stuff
10. i am not in the hospital
yes this list is simple but isn't that how it is supposed to be :) blessings to all...hope you all have a great memorial day weekend.....
1. my daughter, jamie, graduated from high school tonight
2. my son, jacob, passed to the 6th grade, his report card was awesome
3. my grandmother, two of my aunts, one uncle, my parents and my sis were all there to celebrate jamie's accomplishment
4. ganny and pawpaw and ande z were there too...but they also had relatives that were graduating, but hey i will take it however i can get
5. i get to have lunch with my bff and another dear friend tomorrow
6. my hubby is working from home on friday - yeah.....
7. i am beginning to get into a routine of being at home...today was not so good but we will get back on track
8. my husband has encouraged me to stay home and get well...he has no resentment in this statement...he is the best....
9. my hubby surprised me with the new Gaither Vocal Band CD....good stuff
10. i am not in the hospital
yes this list is simple but isn't that how it is supposed to be :) blessings to all...hope you all have a great memorial day weekend.....
Monday, May 24, 2010
ramblings from a tired brain....
not alot going on around here...what is going on you would not want to read...but here are a few -
*went to farmer's market with my dad today - had a blast - bought peanuts, squash, purple hull peas, green beans and sweet potatoes
*at one point my kitchen looked fabulous - notice i said "at one point"
* four more days of school - will have one graduated and the other in 6th grade
*my mini garden is growing like a champ
*multiple doctor appointments
*have realized that no one wants to complete paper work even though my health is dependent on it
*cannot sleep at night....my shoulder hurts horribly at night so i take my naps during the day so i can clean at night.....my family does not like that at all
*some people just want to be miserable *learned the difference between wants and needs
*most importantly - BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED - several of my friends but most importantly my momma keeps telling me this
*finally - there is a an old hymn called, "The Lord Will Find a Way for Me"
*went to farmer's market with my dad today - had a blast - bought peanuts, squash, purple hull peas, green beans and sweet potatoes
*at one point my kitchen looked fabulous - notice i said "at one point"
* four more days of school - will have one graduated and the other in 6th grade
*my mini garden is growing like a champ
*multiple doctor appointments
*have realized that no one wants to complete paper work even though my health is dependent on it
*cannot sleep at night....my shoulder hurts horribly at night so i take my naps during the day so i can clean at night.....my family does not like that at all
*some people just want to be miserable *learned the difference between wants and needs
*most importantly - BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED - several of my friends but most importantly my momma keeps telling me this
*finally - there is a an old hymn called, "The Lord Will Find a Way for Me"
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